Darling Mother Dear

I Am No Super Woman...

2011-09-28T09:36:00.003-05:00

So, it's been 4 months since I've blogged. Frankly it's been about that long since I've read any of my favorite blogs. My last blog was entitled "My Summer To Do List" and I am happy to report I accomplished at least half of those items. As an overachiever, I expected to do them all and have a month to lay on the couch to recover. But, really Kalah? Come on... I am no super woman!!!

I love reading blogs of fellow mothers who struggle with the same life issues as I do: keeping my large family happily fed and well educated, keeping our quaint home clean and ORGANIZED, and how to put a whole lot of enjoyment into my busy life. I have a full time job, that I have been blessed to do from the comfort of my home for eleven years; with the exception of about 10-12 hours each week. We homeschool our 6 children (4 are actively in school while 2 are testing the school waters and still being Momma's babies). I have a small Etsy store I stock from my auction finds and I sell on eBay all in efforts to get out of debt faster... $38,000 down $249,000 to go!!! I have tried to be wonder woman and for some reason have felt on the verge of falling apart. (I even went to the doctor with complaints of what I feel as severe memory issues but I forgot to go to the follow up appointment - true story).

Besides the usual that life delivers us each day, my elderly father has had quite an action packed 4 years. My mother died 5 years ago (I'll blog about that on October 12) and since she has been gone my dad has occupied his lonely days with scams. He has turned into a different man, one that has caused a great deal of injury to his family. You can never know the stress this causes your life until you live it. Banks calling to warn/complain of his erratic financial behavior, local business owners calling to question his erratic behavior, postal officials calling to advise the legalities of this behavior, and on, and on, and on. These things do not happen on days when I had time to spare, mind you. And I must be honest, my equally busy and stressed-out sister in Wisconsin has shared this heavy burden with me. Deann and I would talk every morning at 8:30 (no joke as I write this Deann is calling me) hahaha. Anyway we share our daily struggles and commiserate over our dad who behaves like an obnoxious 14 year old who WILL NOT listen to REASON! This situation alone makes my heart race and my breathing becomes shallow.

I have wanted to be an author since I was a young girl and I loved the idea of blogging ever since my sister-in-law began blogging when they moved to Singapore several years ago - they are now heading to Dubai. I thought that would be a great avenue for me to get back into writing. Frankly I have struggled with what to blog about. Some women blog about their perfect lives, others blog about their struggles and others about the passions of their lives. But what do I want of Darling Mother Dear? I am happily married and love my children from the deepest depths of my heart but my life is not perfect. I have struggles but where do I begin??? And I have passions, but they are varied and unrelated...

I have been trying to decide whether to step it up or turn in my blog keys (figuratively speaking of course). I mostly do it for me, not for any world wide fame and glory. But even I have frustrated me with the lack of blog entries. And to those three people who read my blog, my sweet husband, My Heart Exults and Aunt Katie (when I print the pages and mail them to her) I am sorry to have left the blog world wide open for 4 months. I will certainly try to do better. Pray for me Dear Friends! I'm not ready to quit just yet...

The Summer To Do List...

2011-05-09T17:52:00.000-05:00

Yeah!!!! My summer (for work) has officially begun with the passing of this week. First Communion for the 2nd grade cuties went well, except after the children received Holy Communion they began to misbehave when they were at their seats (waving to people in the church, most girls flipping their veils over their heads, boys talking to one another among other things). What may have appeared entertaining and adorable to others, to us adults who were "in charge", we never experienced a wild show like that before. Well except for the little boy a few years ago who began to undress as he was about to leave the church. WHEW! What a job I have...

So, now that summer has officially begun, my massive To Do List holds so much promise! I love this time of year, I feel so relaxed and hope-filled. If I can completely kick this 3 week long cold and get the momentum I had before it struck, I will successfully check every item off my list of things to accomplish this summer.

Painting 6 rooms

Decorating 4 bedrooms (on a dime, mind you)

Organizing 13 years of family photos

Weeding the file cabinets

Weeding the garden (not my favorite thing to do)

Improving my blog

Cleaning my office

Re-arranging the chapel & classrooms at work

Updating the Library at work

Finding the bottom of my "To Do" stack for work that has built up throughout the school year - YIKES!

Working on the Christmas gift for my brother and sisters - top secret

And at the top of my list is losing 15 lbs.

But even more important that losing the weight and getting all those tasks completed is spending time at the pool with my children and good friends, my husband and children and I taking our nightly walks around the neighborhood, and spending time together making wonderful summer memories.

Litte Girls and Royal Weddings

2011-04-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

I was a 10 year old little girl the day Lady Diana Spencer married Prince Charles on Wednesday, July 29, 1981. I watched the wedding no less than 10 times that day. My mother had to force me to go outside that evening as I was beginning to watch the wedding yet another time. My life was transformed that day, when I look back over the history of my life that day is one of the top 3 dates I base my memories from. Princess Diana made such a healthy impact upon my life, I don't even want to consider what I would have been like without her "presence".

Prince William is soon to marry Kate Middleton and I have two daughters 10 and 11 years old, who are eagerly awaiting the wedding and have been patiently humoring me as I educate them on the British Royal Family. I have a sinus infection and have not felt very well these past couple of days so I have done something I rarely do, sit on the couch and watch TV. We have watched all about Princess Diana's dresses, jewelry, portraits and more. I feel like I have traveled back in time and gone to my happy place where Princess Diana rules my every thought.

I have been a little hesitant about getting re-hooked on the Royal Family. You see when Princess Diana died, a part of me went too. I know that sounds trite but not until my mother died have I cried so much or have been that depressed for that long. When Princess Diana was alive, every time I went to the store I would have my eyes out for anything "Diana", "Princess", "Royal", etc.. Recently my husband was fast flipping through the TV guide and I suddenly yelled "STOP...go back...I saw Diana". He was amazed that I could do that. I was amazed that I still had it. When Princess Diana died I turned it off, because I couldn't bear to read about her death. Whenever something came on about her death, I avoided it. I can't relive that event.

My hesitancy with following this Royal Wedding is that my heart aches that the one person who would have had the MOST joy is missing. I'm afraid I will spend much of the day in tears and swallowed back up in that depression because Diana is not here. But now I have two little girls who are quite interested and I cannot deny them the same thrill I experienced 30 years ago. So I'm pulling myself together and the alarm is set for 2:50 am - I have to get a good seat! The girls are having a slumber party tomorrow so they agreed to watch on a re-run tomorrow. I warned the whole family that they should expect the only thing allowed on TV Friday, April 29, 2011, is the Royal Wedding of Prince William Arthur Philip Louis to Miss Catherine Middleton.

Lent Makes Me Happy!

2011-03-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

Sounds kinda strange, I know. Lent is a penitential season, a time to break free from sinful behavior and attitudes. A time to perfect virtues. A time to sacrifice pleasure and grow in generosity and charity, all for the love of Christ.

I have come to look at Lent in a different way over the years, and I believe my current viewpoint is both healthy and heading in the right direction - but far from perfect. When I was a kid I gave up (because I was told to) eating snacks between meals. I really, strongly, and profoundly disliked Lent as a kid. And I could pound down my Easter basket full of candy in no less than 2 days to make up for lost time. It wasn't until I was about 35 years old that I made a change in my Lenten sacrifice. I have to add, with a round of laughter, my husband gave up pepper our first year married. I thought that was the most pathetic sacrifice, but he really likes pepper, I had no idea. I heard for 46 days how he was NEVER going to give up pepper again. One night at dinner he nearly cried because he couldn't add pepper. I laugh harder when I think of it now, because I am not very good at seasoning food, so that was real suffering for my gourmet minded husband.

Anyway...I have come to realize that Lent is a season to turn away from those things which prevent us from entering heaven. Wow, I have my work cut out for me. As I have grown older, I realize the enormity of my bad choices and how my soul has dangled above the fires of hell for many years, while I thought I was safe because I was a "good" person. I am not better than one other person, and this is not false humility. I struggle with pride, anger, gluttony and envy. Which means I have to perfect the virtues of humility, meekness, temperance and love of neighbor. Yikes!

I have been reading the Mystical City of God and really love all that I have learned. Mary the Mother of God, appeared to Venerable Mary of Agreda in the 17th century and revealed to her stories from the Creation of the world to the early Church after the Resurrection of Jesus. During Lent I have skipped ahead, beginning with the death of St. Joseph and passing through the Baptism of Our Lord to the Descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles after the Ascension.

I know it is two weeks into Lent and I should have started this last week (or sooner) but I actually forgot I had a blog amidst my daily living. So I will "try" to share bits of what I have read every couple of days. Starting now...

When Jesus was 30 years old, his foster father, St. Joseph died. St. Joseph suffered for 8 years as a period of purification but his death was not caused by illness, rather St. Joseph had reached a perfect love for God and thus God prevented his human life from continuing any longer and lifted the veil into eternal life. Before his earthly exit, Jesus blessed St. Joseph and told him to go to the "Bosom of Abraham" to prepare the just for the coming of the Messiah as the time drew near for his triumph over death. Jesus and Mary remained by the side of St. Joseph comforting him in his final days. This is why we pray to St. Joseph to obtain for us (or those we love) a happy and peaceful death in the arms of Jesus and Mary.

After Joseph died, Jesus knew it was time to move forward with the eternal plan. The Blessed Trinity called Mary unto the almighty throne where it was revealed to her that the time had come for her Creator and Son to fulfill His promise. She was asked to give consent to this great sacrifice like Abraham had been asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. Mary, in the most meek and humble yet sorrowful words acknowledged her acceptance of God's will for the salvation of all mankind. What hurts this gentle mother is not just the knowledge that her child, flesh of her flesh, would be tortured and killed but that He was also the just and loving creator without any fault or reason for such a death.

After Mary accepts God's will, Jesus leaves the holy home at Nazareth and sets out for the Jordan River, but before he reaches John the Baptist he fills his heart with a joy that changes his soul. John knows his Savior is near, the time he has prepared for has come...

Happy Birthday Johnnie P

2011-01-21T15:34:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful year it has been. Our baby is 1 today! looking over the past year I smile as I remember my time with this blessing from God.

I sat and rocked that sweet little blond haired baby day and night. I cuddled him and anyone else who crawled up in my lap. It was nice to take a break, what mom doesn't need one of those?

This has been a happy day for our whole family remembering the past year with our funny little boy.

I have a special thank you, in my heart, to our dearly beloved Pope Paul VI for writing Humane Vitae. After studying this encyclical, our hearts were opened to the gift that God wished to provide us with.

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

A Challenging Day Stirs Many Thoughts...

2011-01-17T23:55:00.000-06:00

As a mother I would like to think I am consistently strict with a healthy dose of fun. I feel so bad when I stand firm with a rule that is good for the children and I see their angst. I remember my mom saying, "Parenthood is not a popularity contest, if it were I would lose every time". I would think to myself, "Yes you would!" Today I struggle to find balance in my discipline. I want to be a truly good parent. I try but sometimes I fail miserably. I want to be friends too much, this is my weakness, but I need to concentrate on being Mom. When the children are adults we can be the best of friends, today they need a parent. But that's hard, I want them to like me as much as I like them. Can you hear me whine???

As a child I was raised with strict expectations for my behavior and care for my things. When things went awry and I misbehaved or didn't properly care for something - I was dealt a swift and painful punishment. I'm not willing to accuse anyone of abuse but I was frequently slapped across the face, kicked in the bottom and one time hit with the belt. My mother use to say, "Fear is the beginning of wisdom". My older sister really disliked that one! As a result of my upbringing I was a fairly good kid. Oh I was not perfect or without fault.

In fact I swore like a truck driver, I smoked cigarettes, drank Irish whiskey and I drove a car to the next town over - at the age of 7 years old!!! Honest! But my toys and clothes were in perfect condition and I could handle the laundry and housework like a pro. When my mother called me I went to her NOW. When she said do something, I did it NOW. Okay there was a time or 2... that I didn't jump or I didn't do the job well enough but those were the times I was severely punished. In my house there were 2 modes either not in trouble or in deep trouble. There was no such thing as a warning, the warning was the beating and "the next time you'll get it worse" type of comment. The clincher at the end of the punishment was no crying. When I got hit I was not allowed to cry, which was the hardest thing in the world because it was pretty darn painful. In the end I guess that taught me to man up and take it on the jaw without a blink.

In defense of my mom she had a difficult life and she did the very best she could, that's all I can say, the rest is for the book. My mother was not all brass knuckles, she also did a beautiful job at making us know love! Mom was affectionate and thoughtful, generous and protective. She simply wasn't going to raise her kids to be weak and lazy - bottom line. In the end, I am grateful for the way I was raised.

Just as other kids, I spoke those immortal words, "I won't do that to my kids". I have looked forward to this time in my life since I can remember. But I didn't realize until my oldest little princess turned sassy one day, proper and effective discipline is HARD. My husband is the cool, calm and collected type whereas I stand and charge without wasting a second. I admit that I have spanked my children, some more than others. Each child responded to it differently. With each year I have tried to find alternatives to spanking. One friend suggested I try soap in the mouth, tried that, totally cruel. Removed items from bedrooms, didn't make a difference, rooms cleaner though. Put the kids to bed early, it just gives them more time to walk out and ask questions and by their normal bedtime I am out of my mind. Got rid of toys, no difference except a cleaner toy room. I love the show where the nanny comes to the house and helps the parents figure out discipline, although we have it no where as bad as those people. Aaahhhhh, why can't this be easy?

I love my children and they know that without a doubt. I put their needs ahead of my own, most of the time. I pray with them, hug them, kiss them, cry with them, listen to them, talk to them, make them laugh and laugh with them. I let them make messes and get dirty because I think it is good for kids (totally outside of my personal comfort zone though). I teach them to keep house and do laundry because they will need to know those things later in life. I teach them to cook (although I'm not the greatest myself). I figure if I can give them a start my husband or mother-in-law can further the knowledge with their culinary talent. I encourage my kids to do things that I'm scared to do while I keep my fears to myself (ie: play with cats, go on ferris wheels, & go down water slides to name a few). Oh, the kids know what I'm scared of but they don't know why...

As a homeschool mom I am challenged by the same things their school teachers were challenged by and some days I want to run screaming out of the house. Then again other days they impress me with their wit and knowledge. Mostly I love having this time with my children, while other parents are commenting (often in front of their children) about how they cannot wait for their children to get back to school; I make no comment because I dread the day when my children go away.

With each birthday my children celebrate I worry more that I am guiding them in the correct ways to be strong, honest, hardworking, intelligent, clever, independent, trustworthy, resilient, creative, brave, but most of all holy people. I hope that I have not been too strict but there are times I worry I am not strict enough. I watch other moms and glean from them ideas and reassurance that I am not failing at this most important task I have been blessed with.

If you are still with me after all this blubbering; please share with me your ideas for how to deal with children who drag every toy and game out and end up playing with an Aldi box without a care in the world that seven rooms are now in total chaos? How do I keep my child on task with school, when they want to ask a rhetorical question every 90 seconds (the bad thing is that I usually answer - hook and bate)? How do I impress upon them the necessity of being well educated?

Oh goodness, as I read over this I see my problems are not bad at all. So their messy and more inclined to recess than study Arithmetic. I have great kids, fun kids, loving and honest kids. I think I'll go kiss all my sleeping kids, it seems the end to this challenging day is finally here.

Mary the Mother of God

2011-01-01T18:35:00.001-06:00

January 1, is the Solemnity of Mary Mother of God. As Catholics we are *obligated to attend Mass on this day in order to properly worship Our Lord and give praise for the gift of His Holy Mother. This feast celebrates Mary as the God-bearer or in Greek "Theotokos". Jesus is God and Mary is the Mother of Jesus therefore she is the Mother of God. This title was made holy by the Council of Ephesus in 431 A.D. in defense of the Nestorian heresy that Mary was only the mother of the Human Jesus and not the Divine. The truth is that Jesus cannot be divided or separated, He is both human and Divine at once.

As the Mother of God, the Creator of all things, Mary holds a prominent position of importance for Catholics but this is meant for all. All people are called to adore God, likewise all people are called to love His Mother whom He chose from all women to bear His human life and to share in His work of salvation. Mary wants to bring us to Jesus, it is as simple as that. So incline your heart towards the heart of Mary the Mother of God for she loves your beautiful soul and desires it to rest in the presence of The Blessed Trinity for all eternity.

*The obligation has been removed this year since the Holy Day falls on a Saturday and it seems the bishops of the Church do not believe Catholics will attend Mass two days in a row. So as to not lead us into mortal sin, the bishops remove the obligation. COME ON!!! Are we really that lazy? If so, I am sad for that and my New Year's resolution is to become more devout.

Holy Motherhood

Today my husband and I brought our six children to Mass to celebrate the Solemnity of Mary Mother of God. I was very struck by the call to a holy motherhood. Some of us have been blessed with many children while others struggle to conceive.

I listened to the beautiful voice of a woman who carries the life of a child within her womb while I know another woman weeps for the baby she would bury later in the day. I held my baby tight in my arms, my heart both grateful and devastated each time he said "Momma". For many of us we take for granted the gift of motherhood God has blessed us with while other women are permitted the cross of infertility and loss of their unborn babies. Each of us are called to be holy, that I know! What about motherhood? Why is it reserved for some and not others? Or are those who cannot bear forth fruit called to a spiritual holy motherhood? Oh Mary, comfort and pray for us all...

Me at 40...

2010-11-11T22:33:00.000-06:00

On November 6, 1970 I was born. I had a mother and father who decided late in life to give it one more shot. They had 3 older children and it seemed they were quickly approaching their 40th birthdays and it was "now or never". Why not have a baby in the house again?

So after the Fireman's Ball near Valentines Day of 1970 my parents cooperated with God to create ME!

I have had a life like many people, some hard times, some great times. I have cried and I have laughed, mostly I have laughed! Like many young girls I struggled with my image and popularity. Guys are just guys; they are so "normal" no pretenses or confusion (at least until they get mixed up with girls). I remember in 4th grade my mom advised me, "Be nice to the boys, they will be your truest friends, the friends you can trust the most." Anyway, back to ME.

My face exploded into a rash of pimples when I hit 5th grade and it came on strong! Kids were so very unkind and especially my friends (the girls) strange as that sounds. I would spend hours looking at myself in the mirror crying and saying "I hate you". When I think back to this I am amazed I survived, this was so painful. I was ugly and "strange" compared to all the other girls. I did not have cute clothes, I had long hair and I wore it in braids (completely against my wishes), I had acne on every inch of my face and spreading down my neck. The only thing that saved me was that I was athletic and because of my competitiveness I began to excel at sports, mainly basketball. But I kid you not, I was the only girl on the team who wore Zips. Zips were the K-Mart tennis shoe made completely of plastic, hard plastic, with NO traction. Oh I know I was the only girl because I looked at every shoe I saw, praying for one pair of Zips or Adidas or Converse. No chance -EVERY girl on the team wore Nike's. I couldn't have Nike's because my mom was not going to spend $20 on a pair of shoes!!! So every month she bought me a new pair of Zips for $5 because a month is about as long as they lasted. I tried to sell the whole "Nike's will last longer and in the end save you money" routine to no avail. Oh well, what this did was build character.

Moving on to the point of my story...It was July 25, 1981 and I was waiting for my parents to get ready for Mass. For some reason we were going to Mass on Saturday night this particular week. Anyway, a commercial came on about a special broadcast later that night about the upcoming Royal Wedding. "What? A Royal Wedding? There are princess and princesses? Kings and Queens?" I was befuddled over this, I thought royalty was in fairy tales only, not real life.

I ran into my parents room and frantically informed them that we had to hurry home after Mass because there was a very important TV special I needed to watch that night and I just couldn't take "No" for an answer. I remember my parents looking at each other and laughing at my forcefulness. I was a really good kid and very compliant with whatever I was told. p.s. I wasn't perfect and hated when kids called me that, but I was a really good kid who had to act tough so I wouldn't get my rear end kicked.

To my amazement there was royalty in the world and the Prince of Wales was about to marry a beautiful young Lady Diana (I never called her Lady Di or Princess Di, I really didn't like when people called her those names).

Now, all summer it was my job to take care of the house. I would get up by 9:00 am and dust, vacuum, wash clothes and hang them on the clothes line (no dryer in the summer), I washed toilets and sinks, washed woodwork and floors (no mop, hands and knees with "elbow grease" only) and before my mother came home the shag carpet was raked to stand as if it were brand new. Our home was spotless and it was my job. By 1:00 pm if, and only if, my jobs were completed I was free to go to the pool or play with my friends. But on Wednesday, July 29, 1981, I woke up at 8:00 am and rushed to the TV but called my mother at work first to request the day off. I sat glued to the TV the entire day watching and re-watching the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana until 6:00 pm. My life was changed!

I will spare you the long version (seriously???!!!) and simply say, Princess Diana saved my life. I am who I am largely because of Princess Diana. I loved her and I admired her quite deeply. When many of my friends were becoming promiscuous, I decided to be chaste and worthy of a "prince". I worked to support my growing collection of royalty (mostly Princess Diana) memorabilia, before this was cool. I was in the local newspapers for my vast collection and especially important to me were the many letters I received from various members of the British Royal Family (Ladies-in-Waiting of course).

Everyone who knew me, knew that my life revolved around God and Princess Diana. I became the resident expert on anything Royal. People would say, "How is Princess Diana, Kalah? Is anything new?" as if we were best friends who spoke daily. But I always had something interesting to share and never would I tell the rumors. I couldn't bear to believe anything bad about Princess Diana.

In 7th grade I begged my mom to let me get my hair cut. I wanted Princess Diana's hair style. I wore pumps and tights the color of my outfits. I wore pretty hats and beautiful jewelry. I think my mom liked my interest in these things, we would have so much fun shopping for that perfect outfit I had in my mind. Of course I only wore these nice things to Mass, I wasn't courageous enough to wear them to school.

In my senior year of high school I went to my dermatologist in tears one day and begged for something, anything to stop the acne. I wanted to be beautiful! I wanted to not be ugly!!! I went on Acutane, a new drug that was risky. After 9 months, my face was clear. I began to let my hair grow long, something it had not been in 6 years. In these years with the short hair, I had grown tired of people pinching my cheeks and saying, "Look at those cute chipmunk cheeks". Nice!! Just what every girl wants to hear. I decided I would grow my hair long and when I turned 40, I would return to my favorite "Princess Diana Hair". I figured 40 year olds were old and really should not have long hair. hahaha

On November 6, 2010 I turned 40! Maybe it's the times, or maybe it's all perspective but I don't think 40 is old anymore. I really do want my hair short, I love the Princess Diana style, for many reasons. But I'm not so sure I want to have anyone comment on my chipmunk cheeks. The only time I have heard this in the last 22 years was when I had my hair shoulder length and I was pregnant. So last week I spent hours pouring over pictures of Princess Diana, considering the long-planned-for haircut. I almost felt obligated to stick to the plan. But I came to the conclusion, maybe 60 year olds shouldn't have long hair. Oh, maybe 70...

Our Lady of Fatima...Pray for us

2010-10-27T14:02:00.001-05:00

I received a phone call one day from a co-worker (we work for the Church), "Kalah, your mom signed up to have Our Lady of Fatima in her home this coming week. Do you think she would still be interested?" Anxiously, I said "Yes!" So I went to the church and picked up Our Lady and delivered her to my mother's home.

It was Saturday, October 7, 2006 and my whole family was gathered at our parents home for their 56th wedding anniversary. My mother was dying...

I walked in the house holding Our Lady before me. Walking into my mother's bedroom, her eyes lit up and a beautiful smile came over her entire face. "Oh, I forgot all about her!" Mom said as she struggled to sit up. I put Our Lady on the desk next to my mom. What a perfect week for Our Lady to be with Mom. Her health rapidly declined each day until late Thursday night when she passed into eternity, with Our Lady and her crucifix by her side, keeping vigil over her precious soul. In just 77 minutes it would be the feast of Our Lady of Fatima!

At Moms visitation on Sunday, Our Lady was placed into a beautiful floral arrangement near Mom. She went with Mom to the funeral as well. It couldn't have been planned more perfectly.

I returned Our Lady of Fatima to the church on Monday, tearfully. I didn't want to let her go, just like I didn't want to let go of my Mother, but it had to be...

I put my name on the list for my birthday in November and for the birth of my 5th baby in December. I really needed Our Lady and her comfort at this deeply sorrowful time in my life. And after each of my chosen weeks, I let Our Lady go to someone else who needed her, too.

I put my name on the list for the upcoming October. I needed Our Lady to be with me over the 1 year anniversary of Mom's death. Sadly, she had been lost! I cried (oh, I cried all the time). I pleaded with my co-worker to do all that she could to find Our Lady, I needed her.

One morning in early October I received a phone call from my co-worker, "Kalah, we found her!" I went to bring her home and even better, there was no list since Our Lady had been lost for so long so I was told to keep her until a request came for her. For three years she has watched over my family. We have loved her in our home and I have drawn great comfort from her presence, but I never felt I owned her, I knew she would go to someone else some day.

The other night I was reading the blog of a friend. This friend is struggling with infertility and her heart is breaking because of this cross she must bear. I decided to go to the quiet of my room and do what was necessary for a friend in need. As I passed through the living room I felt the urging of both my mother and Our Blessed Mother. It is time, time for Our Lady to travel again, to comfort another of her children who needs her. My pain has lessened and my hope has increased and now my sister (in Christ) needs Our Mother. Without a question or delay I packed Our Lady and delivered her to my friend, the first thing the next morning. I know she is in good hands! Both of them ;)

Our Lady of Fatima...Pray for us!

Just a side note:
In the box that Our Lady travels in is a blue knitted doily made by a sweet and humble lady who died just a few days before my mother and a piece of blue material to be used to cushion Our Lady in her travels, my mother put this there. Both of these ladies put these items in the box far before they knew they would die in the same week. God bless Dorothy and Helen, may their souls rest joyfully in your presence.

And another for my non-Catholic friends:
A statue is a statue. Catholics do not worship statues and images they merely represent those whom we love but cannot see because the veil before our eyes will not permit us to see those spirits existing in eternity and no longer among humanity. I have photographs of my mother all over my house and from time to time I may look into the eyes of the photgraph and make a comment but in no way do I believe my mother exists in that piece of paper. If I had a ceramic bust of my mother it would be the same, simply a physical reminder of someone I love but cannot physically see. Statues and images are the same, they help us remember those who once existed here and for whom we wish never to forget.

The Toy Museum

2010-09-22T11:11:00.000-05:00

Hutches are a fun way to hold all of those precious items we want to keep safe from the sweet little hands we love (but are capable of so much destruction) while at the same time displaying our treasures to family and friends. There are endless ways to paint or stain your hutch whether it be antique or new and who says a hutch is only for china? My hutch was purchased for $75 at an auction; I painted it and filled it with toys that are extra-special to me, my husband and our children. We call it "The Toy Museum" and every Christmas Eve our children are allowed to take out the toys to play with them, as long as they are treated with love!!!

Standing on the Outside...

2010-09-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

When I was a child my mother, the extrovert, would tell me to "go make friends" with other children wherever we were.  Panic would overcome me and I would try to sell the better idea of me remaining at her side. Now I wasn't as shy as that kid who cried, or rather, SCREAMED every moment of every day in Kindergarten. Nevertheless I was timid and afraid of how I might be hurt if someone didn't like me.

As I grew older I gained many many wonderful friends, thanks to the outgoing nature of the first few who led me to the rest in one way or another. My senior year of high school, I transformed into a social butterfly. One day I just decided to say "hi" to everyone and rather than looking at my feet when I walked through the halls I would look people in the eyes and smile. WOW that made a huge difference in my life. Once I felt safe I would open up and become the crowd pleaser with my humor and wit. Truthfully this "wit" was heavy on the sarcasm and since becoming a Darling Mother Dear I have locked that gift away in order to preserve the innocence of my children.  When you don't practice something for a long time, we all know, you lose it...

I believe it is in my nature to be standbackish rather than social in new environments. Although I have long practiced or I should say labored to be extroverted, there is a constant voice (not a schizophrenic voice mind you) telling me how awkward I am. This leads me to actually become awkward and eventually quit and go to my corner.

Being married to a party animal is often painful for me, especially when I am suffering through a bout of "I want my Momma". See, when my Momma was there she made sure I had the courage to do things, she would say "Put me in your pocket" and send me off into the world. But my husband just says, "Hey I'm going off to...see you later", while I stand there having a silent anxiety attack. I give it a while and when I believe he has had sufficient fun I go to him and suggest we head home. To which my husband often obliges (especially if I sell the idea that something at home will be SO much more fun). Then again there are those times when my husband is having the most fun he can imagine for the time being and he tries to sell why I should want to stay. I really don't like to be a party pooper, I actually like to have fun. Some people in this world only know me to be a FUN person. There was a window of about 10 years when I was a blast.  I'm glad I have those memories.

Recently we went to a party where we felt a bit on the outside. The difference between the party animal and me is that he went off into the sunset to have fun and I drifted from one end of the party to the next looking for a friend and a safe place. I tried to enter into different groups of people having conversations but it was only a success as long as they stayed to talk, when they walked away I was left thinking, "I wish I had a friend at this party". Consequently I had several pleasant conversations with admirable people, but to remain standing on the outside after several hours put me over the edge.

Driving away from the party I actually felt a panic come over me, "what's wrong with me" I thought.  At home I put the baby to bed and snuggled with my three-year-old, we said our night prayers together. I remembered in my quiet that Father's homily that day was on humility. I had thought I was a pretty humble person - I honestly don't think I'm better than other people. I know my faults and I am pretty hard on myself for those faults. But to feel alone and avoided is something totally different.  I actually thought to myself during Father's homily, "God, help me to be a more humble person". Well I got a good dose of it that night...

Reflecting back over the last few days I see how necessary it was that I experienced loneliness. I have ignored the loneliness of others. I have enjoyed my popularity and wealth of friends as others stood on the outside looking in...

Shame on me for ever forgetting the suffering of an introvert, the preference of a little girl (at heart) to sit within the safety net of her Mother.   I hope this bit of hurt will cause me to be more sensitive to the sufferings of others and not become more withdrawn. "God, help me to be more sensitive to the loneliness of others".

Oh and "God, let me feel the presence of my Momma today. I really miss her."

The original "Darling Mother Dear"

2010-08-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young woman from Denmark who was brought into marriage with a cad of a British prince. This young lady became Princess of Wales on her wedding day. I know what you are thinking...but you have the wrong lady. This young princess was named Alexandra and it was the early 1900's. Princess Alexandra was beautiful, self-assured, faithful and independent. She had to leave her homeland and family whom she loved dearly and move to a land where her mother-in law was queen and ruler and nothing else mattered. It was expected that all princesses would do what was expected of them and their lives revolved around the expectations of the Queen. When her mother-in-law (Queen Victoria) demanded to stand in presence at the delivery of her grandchildren, Princess Alexandra simply adjusted her expected delivery date so that it would be impossible for the Queen to arrive in time for each of her "premature" births.

Princess Alexandra with Eddy, George, Louise, Victoria and Maud

     Princess Alexandra gave birth to six children in all. Her baby (Alexander John) died the day after his birth, her eldest child (Eddy) died as a young man, which left her with four children into mature adulthood. Princess Alexandra was a mother unlike other royal mothers of her time; she rejected the custom that her children should be raised by a governess and kept from her company except for times of pageantry. Princess Alexandra adored her children, she bathed them and fed them, she read to them and comforted them. The children naturally adored their mother in return, as a sign of this devotion the children affectionately addressed their mother as, "Darling Mother Dear".

     As a young girl, my loves in this life were of God, my family and the British Royal Family (especially Princess Diana). I remember the day I came across this heartwarming information about Princess Alexandra. My mother and I were driving in the car, I was completely enthralled with a book Momma just bought me. This book is still one of my very favorites, it is a collection of front pages of British newspapers from the time of Queen Victoria to Princess Diana. Anyway, as I came across the article about Princess Alexandra and her beloved children, I announced to my mother that one day my own children should address me as "Darling Mother Dear". I remember this struck my mother as very funny, I couldn't understand why.

     When I became a mother, "Darling Mother Dear" just never quite rolled off the tongue as I had dreamed it would. Perhaps in the Victorian era this was a simpler term of endearment but in the modern era, not so much.   Well, it was about five years ago, my small children were behaving mischievously (as children sometimes do) I instructed the children to do something and in obeying my request, first they should respond, "Yes, Darling Mother Dear".   Well, this struck us all as so funny and the kids have used it ever sense. When they use it in public I like to see the response they get from bystanders, and for those inquiring minds who want to challenge what appears a formal upbringing, I like to give them a real education in the British Royal Family.

A bit of an introduction...

2010-07-13T23:20:00.000-05:00

Several years ago my sister-in-law moved to Singapore with her husband and sons, she started a blog to keep us in touch. I really liked the daily updates and I wished my life was interesting enough to start a blog. Before long blogs became as common as email addresses and I was still observing from afar.

Last year my husband and I began our homeschooling adventure and I wanted to start a blog to keep a daily record of the experiences we would make educating our children in the home. Each day I put it off for another reason and here I sit, still dreaming of the blog.

Last month I decided I was going get off my duff and start the blog. My blog was going to entertain, encourage, delight and inform others based on the experiences of my life. My life is simply my life, like your life, filled with good days and bad days. But each day is another gift from God to merit the place in Heaven He prepared for me. This daily meditation is taken from my Missal (given to me by my husband for Mother's Day this year!)

"Remember, Christian soul, that thou hast this day, and every day of thy life:

God to glorify, Heaven to gain,

Jesus to imitate, Eternity to prepare for,

The Angels and Saints to Time to profit by.

invoke. Neighbors to edify,

A soul to save, The world to despise,

A body to mortify, Devils to combat,

Sins to expiate, Passions to subdue,

Virtues to acquire, Death perhaps to suffer,

Hell to avoid, Judgment to undergo."

Isn't that beautiful?

So back to the blog...I had to come up with a catchy name. It had to identify me in every way. First my love for God and my devotion to the Catholic Church; then to my family and then to my many interests. This was a difficult task!

I went to the Bible and opened it up hoping a great verse would jump out at me, didn't happen. I looked up some of my favorite movies, nothing. Finally I went to my mom for help, seems reasonable right? She always gave me sound advise (not that I always took it) the tricky thing is Mom died almost 4 years ago so I needed a creative way to get her help. I reached for one of her books that I inherited and I opened it up; it was an old hymnal...perfect as Mom and I shared a deep faith. The page opened to "O Sanctisima" I thought that sounded pretty cool but it just didn't click. I flipped through and I fell to the page with the song "O Dearest Mother of Mercy", it swept the breath from my mouth and made my heart fill with joy. All at once my mind rested on My Lord's Dear Mother, my Mother and Me. My quest was over, my blog would be called the very thing my own children call me (Why? I'll tell you soon) "Darling Mother Dear".